Time
by heratulipsia
Summary: Good Lord I'm depressed... this is therapy for that. Wade has some things he needs to work out...


**A/N:** So this is obviously not in the same world as the other story I did- but I needed MORE after that horrifyingly depressing episode. I am clearly WAY to invested in those two, because I feel depressed like _I've_ gone through a breakup and all I want to do is binge eat. Ugh. I don't know what the writers were thinking. I was hoping he'd say he was lying and just didn't remember what happened, I didn't think they'd actually make him a cheater. And Wade was so sweet to Tom and has been so great the past episodes while they've been together! Better than Zoe I feel! And I feel like they built up their relationship so much, then to end it like this? SO unbelievably heartbreaking. And now he's always gonna be someone who _really_ hurt her in a serious way. The writers better do something to make him redeem himself big time in Zoe's eyes.

If they make her all hot for George again I might barf.

So I don't know why, but apparently everyone wants to pour their hearts out to Lemon when I write things… This really isn't all that uplifting either- I guess it's sort of hopeful you could say… I read Wade and Lemon go into business with each other in a future episode- I think something about buying the Rammer Jammer maybe? Or am I wrong? Any who… this is what came out of that line of thinking. Wade definitely knows he screwed up big time, and he's still processing that… Depending on how they ride this story line out on the show, I might add more things here as I see fit. For therapy. Man I'm still so depressed by this! :(

* * *

.

**Time**

.

For the past ten minutes, the only sound came from the ripping open of the numerous boxes that sat on the few upturned tables in the middle of the empty Rammer Jammer. But Wade couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh for Christ's sake Lemon just say it!"

"Say what?" Lemon startled.

"I'd rather you just got it out of your system than deal with your silent judgment."

"Wade, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You haven't said a word since…" Wade couldn't bring himself to say it. "Here. I'll save you the trouble. Not like I don't already know it. I'm a cheater, an ass, and I've ruined the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I wasn't going to say that, nor was I thinking it."

"Sure."

"I'm not sure I'd call Zoe Hart the best thing to happen to anybody," she bristled, and he rolled his eyes. She didn't hate the woman, not anymore, but for the life of her she just couldn't see what all the big fuss was about. "And besides, that would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it? No judgment here."

"Haha! Right," he scoffed unbelievingly.

"What?"

"You're saying we, us two," he gestured between the two of them, "are the same?"

"No of course not. Just… I've been there. I've been the cheater. I know what it feels like."

"No. You don't," Wade practically growled, stabbing his knife into another box.

"The guilt of betraying someone you love? Of having the whole town know about it and talk behind your back? Yes. I do."

"You're missin' the big difference Lemon," he told her as he walked a box behind the bar. "You loved Lavon." He started pulling out bottles and placing them on the top of the counter. "At least it had some sort of meaning. Me? I was just stupid, and drunk, and made the single worst decision I've made in my entire life. And I don't have to tell you I've made _more_ than a few questionable ones. I can't…I just… I can't believe I… I don't even..." His arms were tense and outstretched, hands resting on the end of the bar.

"I really did. I ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me," he said quietly, his eyes glazed over.

"God Damnit!" Lemon shrieked as he cursed and swiped the bottles and glasses onto the floor. They shattered and splashed.

"Hey! Stop breaking things! We paid for those!" Clearly not listening, Wade turned around and kicked at a chair, sending it flying across the room and breaking it in half.

"Wade! Stop it! Sit down!" Lemon tried to snap him out of it, forcing him over to a table. He allowed her to lead him, but he grabbed a bottle of liquor first. He sat down with a thump into the chair she pulled out for him, and he took a long swig of whiskey.

"How did I let it go so far?"

"You say alcohol was involved?" she nodded pointedly to the bottle in his hands, not amused by his behavior.

She started to turn away, but curiosity got the better of her.

"Why _did_ you do it? When it came down to it, I didn't think you were exactly the cheating type."

Wade laughed crudely. "Don't you know? I'm Wade Kinsella! Breaker of hearts from here to—"

"Yes but those are all your stupid conquests. I'm not talking about your charming one night stands. I don't get it, Wade. You're extremely loyal to your friends. You've taken care of your father for years. And everybody knows your marriage to Tansy was basically a joke. I've known you your whole life and I've never seen you like you were with Zoe. The whole town saw the difference she made in you."

"But they certainly weren't surprised when I screwed it all up!"

"Well were you _trying_ to prove them right? Do you have a self-destruct button somewhere or something?"

"A what?"

"Something happens to you you feel like you don't deserve, or you think you can't measure up… you self-destruct. Seems to be a pattern. Don't tell me you don't recognize this…"

Wade didn't respond to that. Thinking he was done talking, Lemon went back to the unpacking, until he said quietly,

"She gave me a sign."

"A what?" she turned back around.

"A sign. Wade's Place. Lit up and everything."

"Wade's Place? Wade, you've got to give me a little more here." Lemon pulled a chair around to the table to sit across from him, confused.

"The bar I always wanted to open. Before this happened." Lemon was a bit surprised. She didn't know of his aspirations, but when the opportunity came up to buy the Rammer Jammer with him, it was perfectly random, and exactly what she needed. And apparently what he did too.

"Really? She encouraged you to do what you always wanted to do? That's what set you off? You really are the stupidest man alive."

"Thanks Lemon."

"No, seriously, Wade—"

"She was never gonna stay with me anyway! I was never gonna be enough for her. She'll always be the big city doctor and I'll always be the local bar tender."

"Owner. Or part owner, at least," she corrected. "And is this you making excuses for what you did? You didn't think you lived up to her standards so you cheated on her? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"I'm not trying to— I know I can't—" he stopped, unable to finish that sentence.

"How could I possibly make this up to her?" he finished. "Ever?" he emphasized quietly, picking at the label on the bottle of whiskey in front of him.

He looked up, remembering what she had said earlier.

"What did you do? How did you get Tucker back?"

She cleared her throat, still not overly comfortable talking about that period of her life. "Well it took a while. And he went to New Orléans with Zoe while he was 'thinking things over.'"

"He what?" Wade didn't know that.

"And I didn't really get him back, did I? Not really…" she trailed off.

They were both silent for a few moments, until Lemon asked him, "Were you in love with her?"

His lack of reply was all the answer she needed.

"Are you still?"

"Kind of a stupid question isn't it? Would I be this messed up over it if—"

"Then show her," she cut him off.

"She won't let me within ten feet of her, how am I supposed to—"

"You don't have to stalk her Wade. Besides, it's probably best to keep your distance for a while anyway."

"Then how on earth do I even begin to make this up to her?"

"It's a delicate situation. She's gonna need _time_ Wade. I tried too hard with George. And in the mean time, don't be the Wade Kinsella they're expecting you to revert back to."

"And be who?" he asked.

"The _better you_ you were becoming. The more mature one. Throw yourself into the business. You know. Become what she encouraged you to be anyway. Show her you can on your own- that you want to redeem yourself, that you're growing. Maybe work on that whole self-destructive thing you've got going on."

"Anything else?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yes. No sleepovers with co-eds."

"Sounds fun," he drawled. Although it wasn't like he was interested in anyone anyway. Spending all your time being depressed blaming yourself was a major buzz kill. The thought of just being with someone else felt like he was cheating all over again. It made him sick.

"You kind of have been for the past few weeks anyway. It's been kind of depressing," Lemon said, her nose scrunching.

"So while I'm being a hermit and a monk, what about her? She already went on a date with your stupid cousin… I'm just supposed to what?"

"Do nothing. After what you did you have no right to—"

"I know I have no right!" Wade's outburst startled Lemon again as he slammed his hand on the table.

"Wade she's trying to get over you, over what you did. You have to let her try to get past it in her own time, in her own way."

"Yeah and how long is that supposed to take?"

"Wade. You're the one that cheated. That's not gonna go away overnight," she said unapologetically.

"I know that! You don't think I know that?!"

"You'll be lucky if she's friends with you again, honestly. Trust is hard to rebuild, once it's broken like that."

"Jesus Lemon, is this conversation supposed to be making me feel better?"

"You're the one who told me to start talking in the first place," she flung back at him.

Wade grabbed the bottle again, but Lemon covered her hand over his, not letting him lift it off the table.

"Face it. You made a mistake. A huge one, and you can't force her to forgive you."

"I know that. God I wish… she's…"

Lemon watched as he did his best to blink back the tears that were forming in his eyes. She sighed. She really _did_ know that feeling.

"Maybe some day down the road, when you're both healed and ready, the timing will be right, and you'll be together again."

"Yeah, right. She'll be married to some doctor or lawyer—"

"No!" She reached across and smacked him on the head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"This! Stop that. This is what I'm talking about. For someone who puts on airs like you do, you have the worst sense of self-worth I've ever seen. You're worth something, Wade Kinsella. As soon as you start believing it, maybe Zoe will start to again too."

When he just looked down again, Lemon rolled her eyes and asked, "Are you listening to anything I'm saying here?"

"All I've been doing lately is letting down the people I love. It couldn't hurt. Something's gotta give…"

"Good. Now get up. We've got a lot of work to do."

Yes, he did.

.

.

* * *

A/N: So yeah. There you go. Like I said, not entirely happy, but hopeful at least by the end? Maybe we'll see how Wade redeems himself, and the way they find their way back to each other... cause it HAS to happen!

I'd love to know what you think!

-heratulipsia


End file.
